It’s now post the 2015 holidays, we survived Thanksgiving, X-Mas, and New Year’s Eve and all is well.
I’M feeling good and getting my steadiness back. Don’t feel as fragile, ready to start the 2016 New Year right.
January went by so quickly I barely had time to write any resolutions. I figured I’d just use some of my past ones, because I have hundreds I figured I could just use the same ones from 2015, seeing as how I was so busy with Mr. Taz, resolutions were not high on my list.
So now let’s get on with it. I had made what seems like so so many trips back home, I hadn’t intended to go back until at least the Spring. How does that saying go again, WE Plan, God has other ideas. As it turns out, I had to make a Special trip to Mass. in Feb.
In Post #5, “The Ballerina and the Butterfly”, I told you about a trip home on Feb 2016 dealing with my cousin Lynn and her passing. At that time, I had to bypass the chronology of my journey, because I just felt I had to get HER story out then. What I didn’t share with you back then was my unexpected visit from Darth Vader.
I had finished all my chemo and radiation and I was feeling pretty good.
At the time, when Lynn passed away, I felt compelled to make a quick turn around trip and go home for Lynn’s service. However, while I was packing the car to go home I experienced a weird pain in my chest. For some reason, using my own “personal medical license” and experience, I determined it was most definitely NOT a heart attack.
The pain would only happen when I lifted something or was trying to pack the car. If I sat down, the pain would go away and I could catch my breath. It quickly flashed through my mind that perhaps I shouldn’t make the trip. But I really wanted to be at Lynn’s service. So I settled down, got my wind back, and jumped in the car and drove the 300 miles to Mass.
Very uneventful trip, sun was out, no traffic, great trip. Made one stop for coffee and got back on my way.
Made a stop at my BMF, Nes’ house in RI, to say hi and grab a quick cup of coffee before going onto my mother’s. When I got out of the car and walked down a few stairs at his house, the pain started again. I hadn’t felt it the entire trip, however the minute I went up or down stairs, it was back. This time when I consulted with myself, again using my “M.D. license” and experience, I decided, this might not be a heart attack, but it was something just as serious for sure.
I drove to my mother’s in Mass, immediately called my doctor in New Jersey, made an appointment for the following day, and then I got right back in my car and drove another 300 miles “back” to New Jersey.
And you might ask,
Dumbest thing I’ve ever, ever done. Everyone cautioned me not to drive back to NJ, but you see I’m the BOSSY type remember, so that means I’m not prone to people telling me what to do.
Everyone said “DON’T DO IT”. But I did it.
Thank God, the ride back to NJ was uneventful, no need to share the details because they are really boring. Fast forward, I have a Dr’s visit the next day and he sends me for a scan. I get a scan, and on the way home from the facility, they call me on my cell and tell me to go directly to the emergency room because I have a BLOOD CLOT!
I ended up in the emergency room in a total and complete daze. I didn’t call anyone, especially my daughter, because I wanted to find out all the details first.
I’m on a gurney with a million medical people and patients all over the place. Not a movie but certainly at least a reality TV show. Naturally I was not the most critical patient so I was on this gurney for what I felt was a long time with all sorts of things attached to my chest.
Annoyed, I finally asked if I could go to the bathroom and of course that meant unhooking me from all these machines. Just as I was starting to feel sorry for myself and as I was walking to the restroom, I noticed a woman on a gurney and I suddenly realized something, are you ready for this, she had, “no legs”. I almost lost it. Instead I put my head down, and I started to pray very hard, almost out loud.
From that moment on, I had no complaints. I just waited my turn. I did have to hold back tears, but I didn’t want anyone to think I was crying for myself. I wanted to cry for that woman and everyone else in that hospital.
The next thing I know, in the middle of all this trauma and drama, I was about to receive another blessing.
As the doctors were examining me and explaining that I indeed did have a BLOOD CLOT! They started discussing my treatment right away. I could stay in the hospital for a few days while they gave me medication that would stabilize it, or I could go home the same day if I learned how to give myself injections.
First of all in my younger days when I felt it was my duty and obligation to donate blood, every time I did, just the site of anyone getting a needle caused me to faint. It didn’t matter if I was getting the needle or someone else. All I had to do was look at it and I would faint. Finally the nurses at the blood bank asked me to please find another outlet to give back.
As these emergency doctors were examining me, one was teaching the other. Talk about vanity, that went right out the window. There were so many patients in that emergency room, and these guys were about saving lives, not worrying about whether or not one of my boobs was showing too much. But I have to say they were so, so polite, explaining everything they were doing as they were going along.
As the doctor’s were calming me down and telling me I’d have some time to think about which way I wanted to handle my situation and make a decision, this no nonsense take charge ANGEL of a nurse comes in and starts talking to me. At first I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say.
She was forcefully tying to tell me not to be afraid and that I could LEARN TO GIVE MYSELF INJECTIONS. She was going to show me how and she would watch me while I gave myself my first injection. I looked at her as though she was “completely insane.”
I thought of my “ Night of the Iguana” experience and that was science fiction enough for me, but this was beyond the beyond, like from another PLANET! No way was I going to do this!
But she never gave up, she explained all of my other options and how things might work out according to whatever I decided.
She was just the right measure of forceful yet patient. I am so fortunate and grateful to have had her for my nurse. I’ve wanted to go back to the hospital so many times since that day to find her and personally thank her but I didn’t know her name. I’m sure the personnel would not be too happy with me walking through an emergency room trying to find her.
She patiently showed me how to give myself an injection and I actually did not faint or even whine. I did explain my Blog to her and she agreed to take a picture. I sincerely hope she gets an opportunity to read this because she should know each and everyday what a GREAT nurse she is.
After her EXCELLENT lessons, they called the pharmacy for my RX’s for a supply of needles. I left the hospital on my own and called my Angel Advocate Miss Carol, not because I needed anyone to pick me up at the hospital, but for some reason I felt trepidation about picking up my prescription of needles by myself. I picked up Carol, went to the drug store and got my new meds.
I subsequently asked Denise, Carol, and all of my friends if they would give me the injections but even my foxhole buddy Denise said “NO WAY”. She said she just couldn’t do it, besides that, it would have meant I would have to stay at her house for an extended period of time or she would have to come live with me for a while. Either way the logistics of it were not good.
I finally realized I would have to give myself an injection every morning.
They say we learn to do whatever it is we “HAVE” to do when we’re in life and death situations and that’s exactly what I did.
I can’t say I grew comfortable with it but I never broke down. I always had anxiety the night before but the minute I did it the next morning, I was able to relax for the rest of the day.
I guess you could call these my Life Savers! As frightening as these look, I’m sure they saved my life. What a profound thought. I actually might not be here today if I didn’t have the “BLESSINGS” of these syringes.
These are some of the syringes I kept. There were hundreds. Not sure why I keep these. There are federal laws about how to dispose of them, but I think I keep them around to remind myself of how BLESSED and lucky I am.
I’ve come to learn that sometimes when the Good Lord gives us beautiful gifts, they might not always come with pretty wrapping.
My life has been changed forever and for the better, I’ve become so much more grateful and appreciate everything in my life. The good things for making me happy and feel good, and the bad things to remind me of all I need to be Thankful for, like Posse, Friends, and Family and oh, medications too!
Another fantastic job!