POST 9
It’s amazing the fascination we Americans have with beautiful hair. I like many other woman would forfeit 1 of 3 good wishes to have gorgeous hair. But as it turned out, my daughter has the beautiful hair, so on that level I have to live vicariously through her
Don’t get me wrong, my hair is okay, and I sincerely appreciate what I have. It has served me well so far, I’ve never felt short changed in that department, but of course we always want more and better.
So when I started hearing and reading about losing my hair to TAZ, I just kept trying to put it in the back of my mind. Clearly I had too many other issues to focus on. I had seen so many other patients and survivors loose their hair but for some reason I thought I was going to be different. After all, don’t forget, I’m a resident of “CARE BEAR Land.”
After my first treatment, I noticed a serious change in the texture but most of it was still there. Then I started to notice all the hair on my brush. And forget about washing it, there was so much hair in the shower it started to scare me.
So even though it was early in the process, I took myself right to the wig shop. What a ball I had. At this point, I still had most of my hair but I wasn’t going to wait until it got so thin you could see bald spots.
I had so much fun trying on wigs, I bought two the first day and then I kept going back. I kept putting off the shave, but I started wearing the wigs right away. Everyone kept telling me to go for the head shave, but I just wasn’t ready for it. Check out the wig shops way before you need them. I bought inexpensive ones so I could have fun with different styles and colors.
The Bizarre thing was I kept saving all the hair that was falling out. I’d roll it up in a ball and put it in a secret box in my dresser. WOW, what in the world did I think I was going to do with it? I kept this up until at one point my hair started to knot up on my head and I couldn’t get a comb or brush through it. Then the texture started to resemble an “ugly old witch”
By then I was wearing a wig full time, but at night in front of my bedroom vanity mirror, I would stare at my head. Then I would look into my eyes and gently convince myself that I was the same person I was prior to this miserable journey. But guess what, you’re really NOT the same person. That’s when you have to start breaking things down AGAIN, and you replay the reality of all this over and over, one more time.
I was “NOT” the same person. But was it because of the Beast that had invaded my body, or because I’d lost my beautiful hair. Then all of a sudden you’re back at square one AGAIN!
Here we go! You start with all the questions for the millionth time. HOW did this happen? HOW did I get here? WHAT am I suppose to do now?
Finally when I couldn’t stand looking at this “ugly old witch” a minute longer, I knew it was time to call my wonderful hairdresser. You remember her, that’s right, Ms MELANIE!
I made an appointment and of course being the wonderful, thoughtful, gracious person she is, she scheduled me after hours. We arrived at the salon at the same time and while we were getting out of our cars, her first comment was how GREAT my hair looked.
I looked at her in disbelief and gave her a few minutes to realize it was a wig. She could not believe it. Now when your “HAIRDRESSER’ doesn’t know, that’s a good wig.
She took me to the back of the shop and we gibber gabbered for a couple of minutes, and then BOOM, the “dome shave” was done. Wow, it happened so fast I didn’t even get a chance to say good bye. I probably would have scooped it all up and brought it home to the rest of my hair in my drawer. But I was so focused on getting my wig back on, I didn’t have a chance to deal with anything else.
Not sure what I had expected, but it was painless and without drama, just the way I like it. Funny thing is, it felt so freeing, I instantly felt like a NEW person. And then of course Melanie kept telling me how beautiful I looked, and it doesn’t matter if you believe it or not, it’s exactly what you need to hear. Again, WORDS matter. She didn’t say, “oh, you poor thing, it’ll grow back, instead she said, “You look beautiful”
She is such a DOLL. I LOVE her to the Moon and back.
So now I was officially a member of this exclusive “DOME” club, but for some reason I never gave the dome shave another thought. It felt ok to look at my bald head instead of the scary witch head of hair. As a matter of fact, I went right back to the wig shop and bought 2 more wigs. OH MY!!
The strange thing is, months later I’ve become much more concerned about gray hair rather than NO hair.
The thing about being bald all of a sudden in this way, is you want to whine and cry like a baby about loosing your hair. But when you put it into context you quickly realize in the scheme of things, you have much bigger issues to address. Hey, if all you loose is your hair, no problem, especially if you believe it’s going to grow back. You get over the pity party as soon as Mr TAZ starts to reminding you that he wants ALL of your attention.
The other strange thing is you want to indulge your rage when people say things like, “oh, well it’ll grow back.” The rage side of me wants to take a pair of scissors and start scalping them. But Thank God, of course the other side of me prevails. I already know it will grow back, but don’t be so nonchalant about it.
For the most part these are usually well meaning people trying desperately to make you feel better. I know because I use to do and say the same things. Now, when I’m confronted with that situation, I’ve learned to just say WOW! Depending on how they respond to my WOW, I can usually tell which way to continue. If they want to talk about it fine, if not, I just leave it alone.
One incident I vividly remember is going to a house party and I saw a friend that had recently joined the Dome Club. Prior to that she had a short hair cut, but WOW this buzz cut was totally the bomb! She looked absolutely gorgeous. I mean truly beautiful. As a matter of fact I was starting to make myself nervous, because I couldn’t stop telling her how Great she looked. I was seriously on the verge of embarrassing myself. Later when I thought about it, I realized part of the reason she looked so fabulous was because she totally owned it. Big time!!!
For me personally something that bothered me even more than my hair, were my eyelashes and eyebrows. You can get a wig for the hair, but the eyebrows and eyelashes are so conspicuous. I mean you could use an eyebrow pencil “everyday”, for your eyebrows, but there was nothing you could do about the lashes. And I’m a girl that puts my mascara on “EVERY” day! Just saying!
However at one of my treatments, my girlfriend Carol and I noticed one of the nurses with these gorgeous eyelashes. They were so stunning we got up the nerve to ask her if they were real. She told us about a salon that put them on for her. We were so excited, we both made a pact that when my treatments were all over, we were going to get our lashes done. We were like two high school students making some kind of pledge.
Well lo and behold when my treatments were over, I decided to treat Carol for all the support she gave me thru my ordeal, so I called the place and make an appointment for Carol and myself. I had to wait so many weeks after my treatments were complete before they could do it. We were so excited. We went together and got them done at the same time. Now remember, I hadn’t had any lashes for at least 6 months, so this was BIG for me.
My lashes came out ok, but Carol’s were absolutely gorgeous. I could not believe the difference. First of all she has beautiful green eyes. Whoa, I mean she looked like a movie star. I was thrilled for her, but not happy with mine. I couldn’t stop looking at her. We were cracking up. As it turned out, my technician was not paying attention, and failed to ask me a few critical questions about how I wanted my lashes to look. That was part of the reason for the difference, but I think it was more about Carol just has beautiful eyes and the lashes took them to another level.
They allowed me to return with no charge and I did, however in the end I was having a great deal of difficulty washing my face every morning and night. What a job, trying to protect these tiny little lashes that you noticed all over your pillow case every morning. Not for nothing, but each individual one cost a pretty penny, so this was getting a little nerve racking.
Before they all fell off by themselves, I finally just washed or plucked them all off, and I was happy to do it. I guess the lesson there is “be careful what you wish for”.
As far as the bald dome goes, I have truly seen woman who look absolutely gorgeous, but I’ve also seen some that don’t carry it well. As I said earlier, I think the main difference is how they own it. I just wasn’t ready to own it. And I’m still not, but my advise to “EVERYONE” is to make the decision that makes you feel free and happy.
You have enough to deal with without feeling uncomfortable about any decisions you make about your hair. Don’t let other people dictate what you “should” and “shouldn’t” do with your hair and anything else. Especially people that have never had to deal with TAZ!
~ TIP ALERT ~
The tip here is don’t listen to anyone telling you when to go for the “Dome shave”. Go when you’re ready. People I knew kept talking about having it done sooner than later because it made them feel more in control.
DO IT WHEN YOU”RE READY.
Today I take Biotin to help my hair and nails, but it’s taking much longer than I hoped. The good news is it’s not even a pimple size problem for me anymore. I just have way too much living to get on with. I can’t afford to forfeit precious time and energy worrying about my hair.
“Worry often gives a small thing, a big shadow”
Swedish Proverb