For this post, I decided to lift a few pages directly from my Journal. Here Goes!
Hello Gpysy, it’s been some time since I last made a Journal entry. It’s almost another life time. Let’s see, I’ve been through 6 months of Chemo treatment and 2 months of Radiation, 2 months of holidays and celebrations, and 1 month trying to catch up with myself. Whew!
Tonight I would like to write about where our growth in gratitude comes from. It comes from a multitude of sources like people, places, things, experiences, celebrations, great misfortune, illness, crisis etc. It can come in the form of a whisper, a butterfly or a tsunami.
I’ve had so many opportunities to experience a higher and higher level of gratitude this past year, it would be impossible to detail them all here. But I can share a few. The 3 major sources of many of these experiences have involved Family, Friends and My Posse.
I’m fortunate to have tons of friends, not just acquaintances, but people I consider real friends. Some I hear from quite regularly and others it might be weeks or even months but we seem to just pick up wherever we left off. I had so many people rally around me during my journey with TAZ, I never ever had an occasion where I felt lonely or by myself.
But I want to share some very particular instances that made me give thanks and make notes in my gratitude journal.
Like I said earlier, I wake up every morning and let the LORD know how Happy I am to be here. I know it sounds so OPRAH, but believe me it’s true.
When I think of giving back, here’s an interesting story about the small ways to give back. Just as I was pulling myself together to get ready for my Posse reunion and then a trip to Mass., I got a late night call from an old friend named Bob. He was thinking about me and wanted to know how I was doing. He knew about TAZ, but we hadn’t talked for a while. Even though it was late, he decided to call because he said he wanted to make sure I was okay and the only way he could tell was to hear my voice. I thought that was so sweet.
We talked and talked and laughed for hours, well into the night, just general conversation.
When I got off of the phone I felt so uplifted. I made a Journal entry about it and said I was so grateful to have friends like that. I didn’t tell him that night how much it meant to me, but the next time we got together for lunch, I certainly let him know. He’s just a good guy and good friend. Those are the real riches of life, the real Blessings that I’m so, so grateful for.
Today was the best day EVER! This is yet another memory for the Grateful diary. I went to lunch with my Posse. This was the first time getting together once my treatments were over. We had such a good time. Lisa’s daughter joined us and she was officially inducted into the Posse. They pick me up and we drove down the shore to Long Branch Pier Village to meet Janet. We plan to introduce Denise if I can ever get her together with the rest of the group.
We went to a place called the Avenue and had a couple of drinks in front of a cozy fireplace and told our stories. Drank, laughed and giggled like a High School Reunion. It had been a while, and so happy everyone was well. Lisa gave all of us an identical bracelet, similar to the ones from Alex and Ani. The inscription said “Trust your Journey”. I LOVE it, I wear it constantly. It was so meaningful, it actually started a tradition.
My first introduction to a French Martini, I’m hooked.
We all toasted to our commitment of friendship.
Then we drove to another restaurant called Rooney’s and had lunch.
We had such a Great time. I LOVE my gang, just LOVE them. It was a
Beautiful Day and we had a Beautiful time.
What a day, and remember, Janet’s been dealing with TAZ much longer that I have, and this is her second time around. But things seem to be going along fine for her so far. She looked awesome, she is a size 2, and she has this cute pixie haircut. I kept telling her how jealous I was about her size, but of course the real issue is that’s not the ideal way to lose weight. But she does look GREAT!
I feel pretty good myself, but I do feel weak and fragile. I have constant tingling in my hands and feet, and just a little bit tired all the time. No marathons for me yet, but all in all I feel good. I wasn’t sure I was going to have the stamina to get thru the day, but I felt great all day. My legs are getting sturdier and sturdier.
Everyone looked GREAT and the reunion was a long time coming, but it was exactly what it should have been.
I’m so Grateful for my Posse.
I was running back and forth between Mass and NJ for the holiday, feeling good and getting back into my groove.
Those trips brought me full circle on the Gratitude I have for family.
We all have families in one form or another. We have pecking orders and we have favorites and we have the ones we tolerate and ones we depend on! We have the ones that we connect with despite age difference and we have the ones we absolutely cherish. Some live close by, some live across the world. We have fights and we argue and we have passive Aggressive relationships with some, we admire some and we get jealous with others.
November of 2015
I was running back and forth between Mass and NJ for the holiday, feeling good and getting back into my groove.
Those trips brought me full circle on the Gratitude I have for family.
But here’s the bottom line. There’s this invisible thread that just binds us. When we get the call, whether thru a megaphone or a quiet whisper, we all rally around our “tribe” and somehow or other we find a way to circle our own wagons.
It’s that old rule of law.
“I can talk about my family and say whatever I want,
But don’t let anyone else talk about them, because it will be hell to pay”.
When I went home for the Holidays the realization of what family really, really meant hit like a thunder bolt. I was seeing things through a completely different set of lens. TAZ will do that for you, it will give you a new perspective on EVERYTHING! You get a free adjustment on things. Like I’ve said before, I have tons of friends, all ages, colors, sizes, religions and all level of education and income status. I LOVE them all, but when I’m with my family I can really let my slip show.
We might fight all year long, but when we sit down for that Turkey and mashed potatoes, the stories start to roll and before you know it everyone is cracking up and laughing. We fight with passion but I now know it’s because we LOVE with passion.
I say all this because on one of my trips home for the holidays, Murphy’s law showed up AGAIN!. In November of 2015, right out of the blue, my sister had a heart attack and had to go into Boston for bypass surgery. I just couldn’t believe it.
No early signs as far as we knew, but come to find out, she had 5 blocked arteries. I’m sure it was stress, but then I don’t have MD after my name, so who knows. I had to stay a little bit longer in Mass. than I had planned so I could help her and everyone else in the family get situated with this new development. The whole thing sort of knocked the wind out of everyone. Talk about a head spin.
Keep in mind, I was still dealing with TAZ, so I was in no condition to take on too much else. But I knew I couldn’t leave just then. There was too much to be done, and I had to be my sister’s Advocate.
As I’ve said in the beginning, my sister dances to a different tune than the rest of us. In fact she can be a “piece of work”, and there is no doubt that she can be difficult, but, remember I can say that but you CAN’T! But the point I want to make is she can also be really, really funny.
When my daughter and I were visiting my sister in the hospital the day after her bypass surgery, we got so silly in the room, the nurse came in to close the door and ask us to keep it down. The next thing I know, the nurse was laughing out loud right along with us. She didn’t want to go back to the desk because she was laughing so hard. We all were! My sister has some really great one-liners. And she can make a lot of jokes about herself. In the middle of all this commotion, we had a GREAT special moment. I’ll remember that for a long, long time.
As it turned out, the holidays worked out ok, we had to make some adjustments, but through the Blessings of the Lord, my sister was ok. Like my daughter always reminds me,
“Let’s be thankful and grateful because it could have been a COMPLETELY different holiday”.
We had the turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce and tons of laughs. We decorated the house, we celebrated Xmas and all was well. It was like a complete dizzy spin roller coaster ride. One day you’re cooking a turkey, next day you’re wrapping gifts, and the next day it’s Spring. Oh my!
Once I got back to NJ after the holidays, I sat down and tried to reflect on everything. Here I was trying to recuperate from my TAZ trip and LIFE just kept rolling along. The world was not waiting for me to “get all better” before it started flinging things my way AGAIN! To be truly honest I guess that’s the way I like it anyway. No time to sit on the couch, suck you thumb and cry poor me.
Denise’s favorite saying “KEEP IT MOVING”
Get back on the revolving planet and go with it!
I say all of this to point out that being thankful and grateful is not just for the days that everything is wonderful. When bad things happen we have to be grateful they weren’t worse and that we have the strength or energy or courage to withstand whatever ever storm we’re dealing with.
Not only that, but I am now a firm believer that we can all find “SOMETHING” in every given day to be thankful for. For me, after my dealing with TAZ, that something is just being alive!
“It is not HAPPY people who are thankful, it is THANKFUL people who are Happy”