Back in Feb., I had my first real and serious exposure to care taking. It was my first shot at taking care of my mother and it was a total disaster. We went through some really difficult times, everything seemed to explode and go south all at once.
On top of all of the usual expected problems, I was dealing with a health issue myself but wasn’t aware of it until months later. In retrospect, I was in NO condition to be taking care of ANYONE!
See: Post 2019-13 Speed Bumps and other Hazards and Post 2019-14 I Hear a Train Whistle.
So when things went south back then I left Plymouth in a huff, and went back to my home in NJ. Things between my mother and I were very tense for a while, and it left me very unsettled. I could barely concentrate on anything else.
Prior to all of that though, even with all of our ups and downs, my mother and I use to have fun. Two strong willed, opinionated, Bossy Lions, always running our own jungle territory, her in her home and me in mine. We would have great discussions, some heated, but we laughed a lot.
Fast forward to July, and after a short stay at the hospital for a serious rash, she was transferred to a rehab center. Obviously, I had to go home AGAIN.
At first, I was hopeful that she might be able to stay at the rehab for a while until I figured out how I was going to manage her care. And she was comfortable with that, she said she was fine. The place was decent enough as far as Rehabs go. But as the days went on, she became aggressively annoyed with the place. And the more I visited her, the more I realized I had to get her home.
Hooray, I looked at it as another chance to learn how to take care of my elderly mother and at the same time spend quality time with her.
So here I am, in Plymouth, AGAIN ready to talk about care taking AGAIN, this time with all new rules and regulations.
My mother at 93, says it seems like she got old overnight and I agree. Last year she was still working. This year she almost needs 24-hour care.
So, although the care giving for my mother has ratcheted up a level from the last attempt, I’m handling it completely different this time. It’s a big house, and my mother is very, very specific about certain things. Actually, she’s particular about EVERYTHING!
Justifiably, my mother’s whole demeanor has changed. All of her married life, my father spoiled her BIG time. She had whatever she wanted, when she wanted it and the way she wanted it. He saw to that.
Now her and I are in a place where we have to share space, actually her space, while I try to run her home according to “HER” World view. The extra challenge for me, is that I live in another state.
As most care givers know, taking care of an elderly parent, living in the family home, includes but isn’t limited to, taking care of the maintenance of the house, the finances, the medications, the meals, the laundry, all home care service and scheduling, yard maintenance, doctor’s visits and any and all applications and forms for EVERYTHING!
In addition to my mother running a Big house in her 90’s, she also had an incredible GREEN thumb. She could make anything grow, I barely know how to water a house plant, never mind how to weed a garden. WHEW!
The minute she came home and was in her own Territory again, I knew I was in trouble. We immediately started bucking heads AGAIN. Only this time she had lost her site, and there was too much to be done readjusting her to her own home. We had no time for fussing.
One minute I wanted to strangle her, and I definitely knew the next minute she wanted to strangle me. If we were going to get through this, I knew I needed another strategy for this to work. After about a week of heavy soul searching and lots of fervent prayers, I finally got and felt the Grace of God I drastically needed, sweep over me.
The more I watched my mother adjust and maneuver around her own home, it was heart breaking. Her eye site was gone and yet she wasn’t bitter nor fearful of being along in her own home. I watched her feeling her way around things that use to be so familiar to her. It made me feel so sad for her. Momma Lion had lost her site.
But don’t get me wrong, her ROAR was still loud and strong. She was so determined to be independent. I watched her relearn how to adjust to every little thing the rest of us do with the blink of an eye. No pun intended.
How to dress, how to eat, how to find her way to the bathroom, how to wear head phones for TV. Mostly frustrated but never feeling sorry for herself.
So I decided I was going to put my Big Girl pants on, refer back to my list of tips that I wrote about in Post 2019-04 Rite of Passage, and attack this new role with a different perspective.
Now I get as much help as I can, so I don’t have to wear two hats, I prefer the GOOD DAUGHTER role than the GREAT CARETAKER. Many of my family members have pitched in, my brother has certainly raised the bar on his help. Thank you Petie. My sister does what she can. Thank you, Cookie.
And in no way can I forget my cousin David. Just a PERFECT nephew for my mother, there at the drop of a hat, and smart, knows how to do EVERYTHING. Best of all, my mother LOVES him. He is truly special. Thank you, David
I’m not sure what’s ahead, but I’ve heard strange and weird stories from both sides of the isle. Not sure where we’ll end up, but right now we’re:
“ALL” GIVING IT OUR BEST SHOT!
Now I just try to:
